My last words to Luke

Thu, 18/06/2009 - 02:00 — Lukes Dad

LOOK AT ME LUKE. (He looked me straight in the eye as I continued.)
I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU LUKE. I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH LUKE. I AM TRYING TO GET YOU BACK THEY JUST WONT GIVE YOU BACK.

I kissed him and tried to act happy so as not to upset him, but I was worried sick throughout the whole visit about him going back to that house, especially with the scratches on his face. When I mentioned the scratches to the visit supervisor and informed her he was always bruised and scratched, even burnt, she told me he had scratched his own face, that is what his foster carer had told her.
My suspicion is the old lady let them all abuse my little baby and turned a blind eye to it. Luke drove off in the back of the child safety car and I collapsed to the ground in front of the playground and cried and cried and cried.
I kept telling people I knew I was never going to see him again. I was standing on the shore and looking out to sea. He was in a boat drifting further and further out to see screaming "DADDY, DADDY."
I did a drawing for him but I was telling people "I know I am never going to get to give it to him."
That is how strong the bond was between me and Luke. I cried that whole week til I got the call that Luke was in intensive care.
When they finally let me in to see him, half his brain was dead because he had been left lying so long with a fractured skull. He was in a coma, on morphein, but when I said "Lukey, Daddy's here", a tear came out of his eye.
I watched over the course of six days as Luke's brain died off and he lost control of each organ. After the third day they wanted to turn off the machines as he was still not breathing on his own, and had not done since his arrival at hospital.
I went to him in his coma, and I said to him "Luke, you start breathing for Daddy, right now", and I started breathing real loud to show him I wanted him to breathe.
My little champion started to breathe for me, and kept breathing for 8 hours, til it was just too much for my little baby. He made me so proud. I stayed and slept with him in my arms each night until on the final day they turned the machines off and Luke died in my arms.
I let his mum sleep with Luke in her arms on the last night because I believe a sick child wants to be in his mothers arms, and a dying child wants to die in the arms of his father.